For individuals living with disabilities or chronic pain, getting the support you need in relationships can often give a spike to the intimacy you feel with the other person.

Perhaps through necessity you’ve had to share even more parts of yourself and be vulnerable in ways you previously hadn’t. It can feel exposing.

Additionally, couples who have been together for a long time can often feel like they know everything about each other. They can feel intimately connected through the support and love they share together, but that feeling of “we know everything about each other” can sometimes kill the intrigue and curiosity that fuels sexual desire.

Couples can sometimes feel like they wouldn’t even know where to start to learn more about the other person after years of being together. 

Or perhaps someone is dating again after being in a long term relationship, which can make it easier to think about what you want to intentionally share, but they still may be curious about how to get to know someone after being “out of the game” for so many years. 

Mystery, intrigue, and curiosity are certainly opposites of “know everything about each other” and can often be a boost to enticing sexual desire and continued excitement for the relationship in general. Below are some great question conversation starters to sustain a curious mindset about your partner/s. 

Some lighthearted questions:

1. When was the last time you truly belly laughed?

2. When you’re at a party, what do you like to be doing? Are you dancing, telling a funny story, in deep conversation with one person, catching up with multiple people, being a wallflower, serving drinks? 

3. When was the last time you were really proud of yourself?

4. Tell me about the weirdest place you’ve had sex. 

5. If you wrote a book, what would be the title? 

A few deeper questions:

1. Why is sex meaningful to you and what are your expectations around sex?

2. What are your definitions for mystery, secrecy, and privacy and what expectations do you have for each in this relationship? 

3. Why is your family meaningful to you? 

4. What was a very difficult decision you had to make and were you happy with the outcome?

5. Tell me about a time when you felt like you doubted yourself.

6. What has been the most difficult part of managing your health / or getting older? What has been an aspect of it that has been easier than you expect.